Me, God and a Cup of Coffee

My Story

2009-05-13T20:33:00.000-07:00

My Story…

I grew up in a very loving Christian family and had a pretty easy life compared to many. God has shown me so much along the way and I want to share my story with you; my story of how God has radically changed my life and given me a purpose to live out each and every day.

My dad baptized me on Easter Sunday when I was 6 years old. I wasn’t sure what God was all about, but I had this overwhelming feeling that He wanted my attention. After church that day I came home and told my mom that I felt light as air and was extremely happy. Even though I didn’t know what was to come next I knew one thing - I had made the right decision.

God and the role He would play in my life made more sense when I was in 7th grade and attended our annual summer church camp. We were at worship the last night of camp (designated “cry” night at all camps J) and I went up to the front to join the other youth in worship. It was there that I had another encounter with God. I knew He wanted more from me, He wanted ALL of me. It was there I rededicated my life to Him and began to understand what it meant to ask for forgiveness and be forgiven. But still had so much to learn…

High School…

The years went by and I was in high school. I was a fairly moral kid – I didn’t drink, cuss, stay out late and went to church every week. While I was a good kid my heart wasn’t in the right place. I had morals without grace. I had in my head what was right and wrong and if someone didn’t live up to those expectations I would tend to look down on them. During this time my fear is I pushed people away from Christ by being “religious” rather than loving them unconditionally. A hard lesson that I pray God helps me redeem one day

College...

College was an amazing time in my life. I made a lot of new friends, loved my classes, joined a sorority and loved being involved. I went to church most weekends, mainly because as a Christian that is what you are supposed to do. During my second semester of my junior year I had a startling realization that I hadn’t prayed to God during that entire semester. On the outside I was playing the part of a good Christian, but on the inside my heart was far from being focused on God. I felt a void and knew it needed to be fixed, but couldn’t fathom how to figure out a way to make God the center of my life.

Being Called…

That same year I got plugged into LifeChurch.tv in Stillwater and there God started changing me. I began serving, plugged into a LifeGroup and even went on a mission trip to Honduras. I began to refocus my life in God’s direction and began a crazy journey of learning what it truly meant to be a fully devoted follower of Christ. One day, during my first semester of Grad school, I was leaving the business building after class and was stopped dead in my tracks when God clearly told me “You are going into ministry”. While I love God I had never thought I would be on staff at a church! But His calling to me that day was undeniable – He had a plan. That day I un-enrolled from my upcoming semester of grad school and started looking for a job at a church.

LifeChurch.tv…

The next couple months was filled with a lot of prayer and seeking God for an opened a door. He answered with an incredible opportunity for me to come on staff at LifeChurch.tv. I spent an amazing 3 ½ years at the LifeChurch.tv Central Offices on the LifeGroups/Missions team. God currently has sent me in a new direction and I’m now working on the LifeChurch.tv South Tulsa Campus team. I am in love with my job and the people I get to come in contact with on a weekly basis. I cannot get over that God is allowing me to do what I do for a living!

My Purpose…

Through it all, God has shown me one thing very clearly – “Jessica - give me all you’ve got.” I’m at a place in my life where I want nothing more than to be sold out for Christ. He has put me where I am at this moment in time for a purpose – my prayer is that I am diligent in seeking Him daily and live out my life according to His purpose.

Worship

2009-01-03T18:22:00.000-08:00

There are times in church when I'm singing a worship song and I want to be completely focused on God, but instead I am distracted by those around me. Then there are other amazing times when a song brings me to my knees and I can do nothing but praise God and give Him all my focus.

"From the Inside Out" by Hillsong United is one of the most powerful worship songs I've ever experienced. It's my prayer for my own life. The lyrics are below, but I highly suggest downloading it, getting by yourself and having an amazing worship time with the Maker of the Universe.

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out

sub - merg [suhb-murj]

2008-12-26T20:38:00.000-08:00

Submerg: To be covered or lost from site.

I have a crazy-insane desire to be fully submerged in God day and night. To wake up with Him on my mind, to go through my day chatting with Him and ending my nights with a "I love you God- talk to you in the morning."

Unfortunately, that's not the way many of my days turn out. I wake up late for work and am in a hurry. I go through my workday tasks never stopping to tell Him a simple "I love you, what do you want me to do for you today?" By bedtime I'm so exhausted I can hardly comprehend the Bible verse I just read.

In my "performance driven" mind I have to realize that I'm not perfect and my relationship with Christ isn't where it should be. There is always more to learn and ways to grow spiritually. So how do I work daily towards being "submerged" in God? First, I believe it's important to have that as a focus in front of me daily. Each morning that is where I can start.

"Lord, help me be submerged in you. I not only want to be fully submerged in You but I want to be "lost from site". I don't want my life here to be about me or my accomplishments or how I was perceived by others. Please use me to make a difference for you. I'm only on this earth for a short time, but desperately want to make an eternal impact for your Kingdom. Challenge me and help me to walk in faith even when I don't understand. Love you- talk to you in the morning."

Encourage Someone

2008-12-23T22:22:00.001-08:00

It's amazing how God will use other people to help us through our spiritual journey. I was struggling with some stuff tonight and recieved an IM from a college classmate I haven't talked to in ages. He was extremely encouraging and told me to "Keep on serving the Lord." That turned my whole thought process around and brought perspective to what God has called me to do.

I'm not anywhere close to perfect, but I know God has a plan for me- that I want to fulfill. A nice word from an old acquaintance has me back on the road again. Amazing.

Who do you need to encourage today? You may never know the impact your words may have...

Change

2008-12-05T10:06:00.000-08:00

Change happens.

Some times it's like walking into a pitch black room with no direction.

Other times it's like discovering a clear path that has been put right in front of your face.

Most times it's exciting sometimes it's scary.

Change is inevitable.

It's what challenges us to grow.

It's an inviation from God to draw closer to Him and walk in faith.

We can embrace change or we can run from it.

We can choose to hear God's prompting or ignore it.

What change is God asking you to walk into?

Do you trust Him?

Francis Chan- Pastor of Cornerstone Church in Simi Valley, California

2008-11-19T07:52:00.001-08:00

"The Holy Spirit"

Speak everything God tells you to say. Be bold not a people pleaser.
We’re done playing games; we’re here for the real thing.
You will never be as joyful as when you are following the Holy Spirit, but this takes letting go. Let go.
You will not be loved by everyone, be willing to take some hits.
James 5:17- “Elijah was as human as we are…” Big thought! Elijah was used by God to a huge impact on the world and he was just as normal as you or I.

Cool Francis stories/illustrations:

Two years ago Francis was burned out by church. He told his elders he was going away for a while and didn’t know if he was coming back. He was gone for a few months and started listening only to the Holy Spirit and not people. His church had a $20 million building fund set up that they were about to reach. He asked, “Do you know how many orphans and widows we could take care of with $20 million?” They scraped the building project and now meet outside in an amphitheater!

He raised a really hard question: If you had never heard about God and were on a desert island with nothing but a Bible where you studied about the church. Could you come to America and find the church the bible talks about? Does it exist as the Word says it should?

He talked about how he was an effective communicator, could draw a crowd and pull together an amazing band. He's gifted in that way. He could probably do it all w/o consulting God. The he posed the question: "If Jesus had a church down the street from mine, would mine be bigger? Would people be more comfortable here? Would it be easier to come because we didn't ask too much of them?" Interesting...

Thoughts?

Marcus Buckingham- Author of “Now Discover Your Strengths”

2008-11-19T05:32:00.000-08:00

Definition of a weakness = any activity that weakens you.

Just because you are good at something doesn’t make it a strength. If you dislike it and it deflates you than it is a weakness.
Build on your strengths and manage your weaknesses.

Identifying strengths:

Success – when you perform your strength you feel effective.
Instinct – You look forward to it.
Growth – While doing your strength you feel inquisitive and focused.
Needs – After you feel fulfilled and authentic.

4 ways to manage your weaknesses:

Stop – If you stop would anyone care or notice?
Team up – partner with someone strengthened by what weakens you.
Offer up – Offer to help using your strengths not weaknesses.
Perspective – Look at your weaknesses from a different angle. Can you turn it into one of your strengths?

Example: Rudy Giuliani is terrible at addressing a crowd from behind a podium but really good at debating and arguing a point. He’s turned all his speeches into question and answers to dialog with his crowd. When there isn’t an opportunity to dialog he poses questions in his speech and then argues with himself! He turned a weakness into a strength.

Concentrating on your weaknesses is a “wasted strength” like a sundial in the shade. - Marcus Buckingham

My takeaways:

I found Marcus’ ideas on weaknesses very interesting. Working at LC.tv you find your strengths and learn to build on them. I never thought of the fact that things I am good at could actually be a weakness!

For example- I’m good at pulling a project off, for some reason I can piece together all the right pieces to make it happen. With that I’m usually given whole projects to coordinate from beginning to end. I suck at the “beginning” stage. I’ve realized I’m not good at coming up with the original idea – but I am good at implementing and improving an existing idea. So for my next project I’m going to use someone who has the strength/creativity of coming up with the idea and then I’ll work on making that concept happen.

Do you have something you thought was a strength but is actually a weakness that depletes you?

Todd Wagner- Pastor of Watermark Community Church- Dallas, Tx

2008-11-19T05:17:00.000-08:00

I'm writing these next series of post as a kind of "mind dump" from the LeadNow Conference I attended this past weekend. I hope God uses it in someway to speak into your life, I know it changed mine. Happy reading!

"Where Cowards Fear to Tread"

Leadership is a commitment to be misunderstood.
If you love to be loved you cannot lead.
Jesus was never looking for a popular vote. He was not a master at comfortable conversations.
Jesus was a master of talking about love.
Do you fear man or fear God?

My takeaways:

I have to be willing to put my life on the line for Christ daily. Too often I want to make the people around me happy, I don’t want to stand out in a crowd and want to be looked at in a positive light. God has called me to be bold in the purpose He has put before me. It is a daily fight to stay on track, but focus on God is the key.

The Race

2008-08-05T13:19:00.000-07:00

Don’t you realize that in a race everyone runs, but only one person gets the prize? So run to win! All athletes are disciplined in their training. They do it to win a prize that will fade away, but we do it for an eternal prize. So I run with purpose in every step. I am not just shadowboxing. I discipline my body like an athlete, training it to do what it should. Otherwise, I fear that after preaching to others I myself might be disqualified.

1 Corinthians 9:24-27

I read this passage last night and it really got me fired up to do what God has called me to do. Read it again and really think about it.

I'm a competitive person so I understand what it means "running to win". Theses versuses made me stop and think, do I do what God calls me to do with that same determination? Do I train in the ways I need to in order to hear direction from God? Spending quiet time with Him just listening, seeking cousel, reading my Bible. We have a HUGE race in front of us and I want to be ready.

Train hard and run the race God has put before you!

Potential

2008-08-04T14:27:00.000-07:00

Every time I hear someone talk about their burden or their holy discontent I'm always kind of bummed because I'm not sure what mine is... does anyone else ever feel that way? I have things that I love doing and I have people that I love serving but have never been able to identify that one thing that I feel like God has created me to do.

Last night I think I found it. It's been something that has always been an underlining theme for me, but I never understood it's extent. My burden is helping Christians reach their God-given potential. It may sound weird but I really feel God is putting people in my path saying "Encourage them, challenge them, I'm going to use them in a HUGE way, help get them ready..."

I'm ready to be obedient and bold for Christ. Through it all I want to continue to grow in what God has called me to do. Let's raise a strong army of believers and change the world! Woo-hoo!

Boldness

2008-07-24T19:25:00.000-07:00

I ran into a girl I knew in college today, which was a bit strange since she had just come to my mind yesterday. I felt this couldn't just be coincidence and I knew I should invite her to church. She always was the fun outgoing girl, but I always got the impression she was sad and hurting on the inside. I talked to her for less than five minutes and of course I hestitated, in my head I was saying, "Evangelism isn't one of my spiritual gifts, I don't want to make her feel awkward, and I don't want to feel stupid!". I can remember countless times when I've been in this same situation and I let it pass by. I didn't want to do it again. I told her I would love to take her to LifeChurch if she ever wanted to check it out. She responded with the polite "Oh yeah, thanks..." I left it at that, but as I was walking out I knew I didn't do enough. I decided I would go find internet access (sorry no iphone here) somewhere, find her on Facebook and give her times, locations and info on the internet campus. I just finished that up and am praying that God uses it to change her life and bring her peace and joy like she's never experienced.

My prayer for myself is for more boldness and that God will give me the words to say. This wasn't just a random girl from college, it's an eternal life and I should be jumping at the chance to invite her to church, not hestitating! There is no greater honor than to know the God of the universe can and wants to use me to advance His Kingdom! Now I'm looking around I-hop to who I can invite next :). Who do you need to invite?

Two Fears

2008-07-23T13:26:00.000-07:00

Anyone who knows me knows that kids and I don't mesh really well. It's not that I don't like them, it's just I don't know what to do with them! I'm intimidated beyond belief by these little people, how to talk to them, how to meet their needs, etc. Another fear that not too many people know is that I'm scared to go into hospitals. One, I don't like to see people in pain and secondly I literally have to fight passing out while I'm there. I remember when I was in 5th grade my mom broke her back, I remember having a really rough time going to the hospital and I honestly don't remember going more than twice. Another time I visited a friend who's appendix ruptured, I was in the room for about 5 minutes and had to leave. After that I just called to check in :).

So what does God choose to do with these two fears of mine? He combines them of course! After spending a week with terminally and chronically ill children at Camp Cavett I believe God is asking me to go and serve those kids on a regular basis. This area is definitely out of my comfort zone, but when God directs you to do something what else can you do but obey?

Lessons from Summer Missions #2

2008-07-18T08:45:00.001-07:00

I spent four days this summer at Camp Cavett. This camp is put on by Children's OU Medical Center and is for chronically and terminally ill children. It's a chance for them to get away from their day to day hospital life and to have a little fun.

At last year's camp there was a little boy nicknamed God's Tuff Angel by his dad for his strength and courage throughout his cancer. God's Tuff Angel went to be with his heavenly dad before camp came around again this year. In his honor, this year at camp they created "God's Tuff Angels" choir. The kids who signed up to be in the choir practiced all week for their debut on the last day of camp. The little boys dad and brother made the trip down to camp so they could see the choir that was named in honor of their son and brother. Emotional? Heck yeah.

One of the songs they sang flooded me with emotions. It was a song I have sung a thousand times at church camp and now it has a whole new meaning to me. One of the lyrics of the song is "Seeking you as a precious jewel, Lord to give up I'd be a fool. You are my all in all." Man- watching 20 terminally ill kids get up there and sing about not giving up, fighting. They are fighting for their lives, they don't take a single breath for granted. And the amazing thing is that I truly believe I see them experiencing true joy. They are not complaining or whinning, but taking advantage of every moment they have with the ones they love. What am I fighting for? The newest technology, nicest clothes, best reputation? What little obstacles do I complain about and let get in my way while these kids are jumping mountains?

All in All lyrics:

You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all

Seeking you as a precious jewel
Lord to give up I'd be a fool
You are my all in all

Jesus, lamb of God
Worthy is your name
Jesus, lamb of God
Worthy is your name

Taking my sin, my cross, my shame
Rising again I bless your name
You are my all in all

When I fall down you pick me up
When I am dry you fill my cup
You are my all in all

Jesus, lamb of God
Worthy is your name
Jesus, lamb of God
Worthy is your name

Lessons from Summer Missions #1

2008-07-14T18:16:00.000-07:00

I'm dedicating this week's entries to what God has shown me over the past six weeks. I've been traveling to four different Overnight MicroMissions and two campus visits. During this time I've felt God moving in me and my relationship with him deepening.

One of the biggest things I've learned is how to seperate my job and my time with God. In the last three years I have never gone an a mission that wasn't tied in some way to my job. I would either be running errands, critiquing the mission experience or delegating task. I love this aspect of my job, but God showed me their is a difference between that and serving out of my own time.

I had the opportunity to join 50 other LC.tv attendees as we headed to the Texas/Mexico border. I had no job on this mission but to go and serve. I didn't know behind the scenes details, the itinerary or what "mishaps" were going on. It was amazing! Not only did I get to just serve, but God also reignited a passion for serving that has been dwindling for some time. I'm recharged and excited about creating opportunities for others to go and serve in mission.

I am currently looking for an area where I can just serve seperate from my job and even my church. A place where I can go just to serve and see God move. I feel God pulling me in a certain direction but am going to continue to pray and see what doors open. Stay tuned!

Motives

2008-06-30T13:56:00.000-07:00

God is teaching me a lot about my motives. I have always craved validation, approval and affirmation from people to let me know I was a "good christian". Growing up I tried to be extra good by going the extra mile for people, letting others know I was praying for them, reading my bible every night and being involved in christian organizations and bible studies. Today I can get caught in that same mental trap of performing by going on lots of missions, being a volunteer on the weekends or working tons of overtime at my job. These are all great things but what is my motive behind it? Am I focused on what others think, "Do people see what I'm doing?" "Do they know how hard I'm working?" "What do they think of me?". Or am I focused on how God wants to use me asking questions like, "God, how do you want to use me on this mission?" "What areas do you want me to serve?" "What direction do you want to take my projects and the missions ministry?"

God is showing me more and more that I have it backwards. My focus, love and attention all needs to be on God and daily growing in my personal relationship with him. I truly truly want to do what God has created me to do, I want him to use me to make a signficant impact on his Kingdom. I am working on keeping this focus on God and not worrying about approval of others. I'm excited to see where God takes me!

Focus on the Impossible

2008-06-27T13:52:00.000-07:00

Today God is teaching me how big He really is and how small I perceive him to be sometimes. I honestly don't feel like my stubborn heart is completely listening to him today, but I'm working on it! My boss sent me an article that talked about the difference between reducing poverty and eliminating it. Our minds should never be focused just on reducing poverty but should always be looking at what we can do to eliminate it! That brings up so many thoughts! How many times do I think so small? Everyday! I focus on, in my mind, what is possible. The things that are possible are things I can do with my own strength. I want to start focusing on the impossible and see where God takes me from there! Buckly your seatbelts it's going to be a wild ride!

Details

2008-06-26T14:48:00.000-07:00

God has taught me today not to concentrate on things that don't go as planned but instead to concentrate and celebrate the way he works in all situations. A marjority of the time my "critiquing" side takes over and I miss the amazing way God works through even "not so clean" details. I wrap myself up in "what can we do better next time" opposed to seeing all that God did and celebrate God's victories used through chaos. It will be a big mental switch for me but one I know God is challenging me to make. Even though things might not go as I have planned God has the ultimate playbook and I need to always trust in that.

Passion

2008-06-25T14:31:00.000-07:00

God taught me to day that I LOVE my job. I'm pretty much excited about every project on my plate right now. I feel like God is bringing something alive inside of me that has been stagnate for quite some time. I'm really excited to see where he is taking me in this roller coaster season. I feel like right now all pride is aside and I just want to accomplish things that will benefit the Kingdom! It's amazing how your attitude and priorities change when you are focused on Christ and expecting him to do something HUGE!

Be Expectant

2008-06-24T17:10:00.000-07:00

God has taught me today through listening to Perry Noble's message. He has taught me to always be expectant and anticipate that he is going to move in huge ways in my life. If I'm in a slump or not hearing direction from him maybe, just maybe, I'm not expecting him to move. It's a daily decision to wake up and say "God what do you have for me today?" "Where do you want me to go?" "Who do you want me to talk to?" I'm in no way great at doing this, but I pray expectantly for God to help me change my heart and am excited to see what he does once I fully open myself up to his direction.

Godly People

2008-06-23T15:07:00.001-07:00

God's taught me today how important my friends are in my life. A lot of time I take for granted that they are there for me to lean on for support. God's blessed me with so many amazing people to learn and grow from and I am truly greatful. A lot of times when I think I'm standing alone all I have to do is look around and see how many loving and supportive people are around me every day. I just have to be willing to take advantage and intentional time with those I love most.